Time To Laugh

 ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT’S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE
GENERAL HOSPITAL (PGH):

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began Seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. The patient refused autopsy.

8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

9. She is numb from her toes down.

10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

11. The skin was moist and dry.

12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Sa PGH, may tinatawag na Central Block. Nandoon ang Radiology Department kung saan ginagawa ang mga X-rays, Ultrasound, CT Scan
at Radiotherapy. Dito ko naobserbahan ang evolution ng mga pinoy medical terms. May mga pasyente o bantay na aking nasasalubong,
ang madalas magtanong ng direksyon. Mga Versions ng CT Scan:

1. “Dok saan po ba ang Siete Scan?”
2. “Doc saan po ba magpapa-CT Skull”
3. “Doc saan po ba CT Scalp”
4. “Doc saan po ang CT Scam?”

Madalas akong mapagtanungan ng direction papunta sa Cobalt Room. “Doc saan po ba ang Cobal”  Yes, laging walang T. Marami ang
gumagamit sa term na Cobal. Saan napunta ang “T”. Marami din kasing nagtatanong, “Doc, saan po ba ang papuntang X-Tray?”
Conclusion: Ang “T” ng Cobalt, ay napunta sa X-Tray.

7:00 am. Nagbigay ang kasamahan kong doktor ng Instruction sa bantay ng pasyente, “Mister, punta po kayo sa Central Block at
magpa-schedule kayo ng X-ray ng pasyente ninyo.” 3:00 pm. Kadarating lang ng bantay. Nagalit na ang Doktor, “Mister, bakit
namang napakatagal ninyong bumalik? Pina-schedule ko lang naman ang X-ray ah.” Sumagot ang bantay, “Eh kasi po Doc, ang tagal kong
naghintay sa gate, haggang sabihin ng guwardiya na sarado daw po ang Central Bank kasi Sabado ngayon.” (Nasa Roxas Blvd ang Bangko
Sentral ng Pilipinas, at sarado nga naman yon kapag Sabado)!

Note: I received this as a forwarded email from a friend.

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2 thoughts on “Time To Laugh

  1. Hahaha! Pinoy nga naman talaga!
    Alam mo ba na at times maraming mga laboring women dun sa PGH na minsan sa haba ng waiting time nakaluwa na ang ulo ng bata sa “hoohah” ng nanay! True true… heehee!

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